As time goes on, I have to try harder to hold onto the memories I once didn’t think twice about. I’ve lost two of the most important people in my life but the one that hurt the most, understandably, was the loss of my dad. It’s creeping close to six years without him in my life and I still can’t tell if his absence has gotten easier to deal with, or harder.
What kills me most is the fact that I can barely remember him. It has been that long. I’m not saying I’ve completely forgotten the kind of person that he was, because I haven’t. I remember his athletic nature, his outgoing character, his sense of humour, and most of all, I remember the love he had for us – his family. The things I struggle to remember are specific memories about him. I can only remember a couple of things. One was the last time I saw him smile, the last time I would ever see happiness on his face.
I don’t remember his voice. I don’t remember his laugh. I don’t remember how it felt to have him around. And it hurts. So much. But if I’ve learnt anything, it’s that life doesn’t stop for anyone or anything. It is up to us to learn how to continue living. It’s been six years and I’m still learning. How long it will take, I don’t know.