What do I want?


It’s hard trying to figure out life when you don’t have the smallest idea of what’s going on. Just recently I was confronted with a really big decision in life, something I never thought I would have to consider at such a young age. It really made me think about the future and what it could potentially hold. I had to ask myself what I really want. And that’s one of the hardest questions in life because I really just don’t know. What made it even more daunting was that this decision I had to make (still have to make) involved another person and for that reason, I have to be 100% sure. 

But here’s the thing, I have no fucking clue. 

What do I want out of life? What do I want to become? Where am I headed? 

These are some of the biggest questions I’ve been trying to answer since I don’t even know when. I’m still trying to figure out myself and what I want or need. And then he came along and made me question everything all over again. But this time it was about things I hadn’t thought about properly before. I was confused – still am actually. Scared too. Scared because the decision I need to make is one I intend to stand by my whole life. But I’m only eighteen and I don’t know if I’m ready to decide now.